Here we are again...

[WiloeLeigh]

I blame this all on Enra. She told me to post my stuff a few weeks ago (or what seems like weeks) and so here I am, posting again. It's all poetry, or what I consider poetry. So...

Fire and ice

dripping liquid molten fire
passion running over my body
in-between and through the cracks
melting me down to the barest state
naked and exposed
to the harsh elemental world
of color and light
my every fault brought into existence
under the scrutiny of your critical eyes
set within sharp, jagged features
beautifully endless deep pools of ice blue
that flashed in the day
when they fell across my face
you were so cold then
armored and distant
but at night you would stare off
into the starlit horizon
drop your guard
letting your eyes soften, your face smudge
and i reached out to you during those moments
and you would turn to me
and i could hear the armor fall back into place
with a silent crash
you looked at me with winter blue eyes
looked through me
saw my soul
and one day
after being melted down to nothing
but bleached white bones
you found me unworthy of your love
and the molten fire cooled
to form a frozen shield
protection from your probing gaze
scar tissue tempered by desire unrequited
you tore me down and left me
with a hardened shell of the person i once was
and i am you now
which is all i ever wanted
i have the same cold stare
and the same sharp features
but i am no longer happy

Untitled

I look at you and I see a little girl who has never grown up
Never wanted to grow up
Because to grow up would mean facing the cuts
That blemish your heart and soul
Invisible to the human eye
Imperceptible
Through the mask
But I can see them
Just below the surface
Gashes and tears that heal only halfway
Before being ripped open again
By a word, a look, a memory, a face
And every person you meet is
Another potential
Wound

Memory

I just wanted you to know
that I think about you
more than I should
more than I used to
more than I want to
Your face is smooth marble memory
lit by golden rays
that turn your hair to molten fire
and add sparks to the pale blue of your eyes
like sunshine on a sheet of cloudless sky
I remember the feel of your hands
on my waist, on my cheek, on my neck
those sensations that do not wash away
in the pounding spray of the shower
water mingling with tears
I still have the jacket you let me borrow
rich in your scent
of shampoo and Ivory soap and vanilla
small remembrances of when you took me to
the theatre and we saw Phantom of the Opera
and you held my hand like you would never let go
Never let go...
Never let...
I dream about you on cold nights
where your warmth is just a hallow next to me
and a pillow is a poor substitute
for the softness of your skin
And when all I want to do is curl up
in your arms and forget about yesterday
and forget about tomorrow
knowing your touch would make it all slip away
I find myself alone
I find myself missing you
More than I should
More than I used to
More than I want...you

12.00

Blink, blink, blink
The electricity went out hours ago
and all I can see is the neon green numbers
of my radio alarm clock
flashing at me
from across the darkened room
Is it midnight
Or is it noon
I?m sure that if I tried the light
it would fill the room
with a blinding white yellow glow
But I don?t bother to check
The darkness is a blanket
wrapped around me
offering the comfort of obscurity
hiding my tears
I am not crying
There?s something in my eye
and the blink of the digital numbers
is hypnotic
A bright neon green beacon
showing me the way home
Where is home now that you?re gone
I lie in bed
adrift in the nighttime air
hanging heavy in my throat
not wanting to move
Because the alarm clock lies
as it whispers to me of classical music
turned down so low
it reminds me of memory
I have no home
And the darkness is my only friend
And the time is always 12:00
And nothing matters now
Except the something in my eye

The therapy session

You want to know who I am
You want to understand me
You want to see what lies beneath
this mask I wear
they gave to me
so many months ago
when they told me I wasn?t perfect
You want me to talk to you
about the ugly person inside
I think it would be easier
for me to slice my arm,
a long cut from my wrist to my elbow
and let my blood pour forth,
pooling on your table top,
spilling onto your plush white carpet
(those stains are never coming out)
and say, ?That is what I am. Flesh and blood.
Neither black nor white nor gray
but a deep rich crimson red
that tastes like copper and runs like water.?
But I know you would not approve
because you want to hear me say the words
You want me to admit my imperfections
The price of blood is not enough
You want pieces of my soul
So I keep the knife hidden in the back pocket
of my jeans
and I listen to your questions
and I answer them with forced enthusiasm
the mask securely in place
But you will never find what you are looking for
I will never give you that satisfaction
You will never see the truth
the truth of who I am
the truth of my blood

Untitled 2

I have this knot in my stomach
silently twisting
tighter
with every word you say
so softly spoken that you
wouldn?t believe me when I said
I was dying inside
It would be so easy to hang up the phone
and turn on the answering machine
letting it pick up all of your return calls
But then when I see you next
would you forgive me
for hanging up on you
and crying myself to sleep

[tyledras]

damn. Wilo, its good.I think "Fire and Ice" and the first Untitled piece are my favorites, but its all good. i for one would like to see more, if you have it.

[Branflakes]

Wow, great job Wiloe. Fire and Ice is my fave. Keep it coming....

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Branflakes. It's what's for breakfast.
The original ninja lesbian milk getter.
The one called "brain" and "brandiflakes" and....
I'm tired of the silent majority. Silence equals death.
Life is what you make it.
"I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality"-Savage Garden
God never gives us more than we can handle.
You're going to have to deal with my ego at some point.

[Oz]

You know that I like them all. I think the therapy session was the strongest, just for me cuz of our talks. Hope you decide to share more!

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"What about him? What are you doing with him?"
"What you should be doing with me..."

Proud family member of Jelymo, gollum, Kelly, Dano, Jaxom27, Fenix and others.

I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned

"Om Namaha Shivaya." ~ Dano

[Enlanra]

Well, Wil hon I've already told you what I think about them but I just wanted to again tell you how damn good you are. And if we're casting votes for favorites (sorry, folks there will be no recount on this one) I like the therapy session and, of course, the first untitled.

[gollum]

i like the second untitled best. would you mind if i quoted the last 3 lines in my sig?

-g

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Sometimes i think everyone on this board is crazy. The rest of the time i'm sure. -Dan
somehow i see [gollum] clinging to a tower and rousingly calling for a new world order. -starky

food is food & sex is sex
i'vehadmyfill
iwanttodefect
-ra di o he(a)d

[WiloeLeigh]

Wow! Thanks everyone for replying. And gollum, I would be honored if you used anything of mine in your sig.

[This message has been edited by WiloeLeigh (edited November 28, 2000).]

[Më£ïñÐa]

!!!EXCELLENT!!!!Willow!
wonderful and excellent!!
I LOVED them all!


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M?????a 'IS'????f??kz?????
!!!Here Comes the PAIN!!!

Absolutely!Nutz!

[jones]

Found this one in the bowels of the board. Thought it could use a return to the top.

take care

---jones

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"what Marie's not gonna do"
new chapters in Works & Days
a punk rock romance in words, music & art
http://www.freehomepages.com/worksanddays